Chaos: the word that describes my last 3-months. Almost everything that could change, has changed. I love change, and variety but boy oh boy have I learn’t a few things about that lately.

• Space: time to digest change is essential. Even if it is all splendid change and variety it is best for the soul to marinate on it.
• Routine: my morning routine of meditation and writing went out the window about 6-weeks ago. I yearned to have it back so I started it again yesterday. Routine amongst the chaos keeps me resilient. No meditation, and no routine resulted in my resilience steadily decreasing over the weeks to the point where I didn’t even want to go have a drink with a friend: “No more, I can’t handle anymore planning, or doing!”

Arh so now I sit and get back into my staple diet for sanity, reflecting on that crucial moment when it was lost. This is my next mission: to prevent it happening again.

In Chorlton, Manchester is Wild at heart cafe.  It is a cafe, come deli with organic goodness, along with home made croissants made on site.  I like its wooden shelves reminding me of old grocery stores with the bell on the door and the friendly grocer with his or her piney.  The owner was a corporate working awful hours, who had a passion for food.  A turn of events happened whereby she had a chance to change, and that is when Wild at heart was born.  From the corporate world, to croissants and coffee: love it.

A few weeks ago we house (and dog) sat a big old Victorian villa that is slowly being renovated.  It had a big garden which was a delight, given our wee flat does not have one.  Needless to say we spent most of the weekend in the garden.  Even though it was only a few miles from home it felt like we were on a summer holiday!  Sometimes just a small change in environment can be quite influential.

Our homework for this week builds on this.   We are to watch ourselves when someone gets angry (with us) and find positive, yet active creative responses.  Positive meaning, to help them, and us.

We also talked about different cultural perspectives are on accepting compliments, or even pointing out good things in others.  It is certainly a typical one in NZ and English culture to point out negative traits in people, or more accurately in peoples behaviour yet remain silent when they have done something well, or you notice they are having a great hair day!   Also, to self depreciate when someone compliments you, and not allow them to give the gift of that compliment.  This is something I really used to struggle with.  Every time I received a compliment I would not receive it, and push it back to the giver with a self-deprecating comment about myself.  That was until a 13 year old girl said to me “I think you know more than you realise” and made me realise putting myself down was not healthy.  Thank you young, wise one.

The Chorlton festival was a few weeks ago.  Chorlton (officially Chorlton-cum-hardy) is a suburb 20 minutes outside of Manchester.  It is a bit of a strange suburb with £1 stores next to fancy cafes and restaurants and has a great community feel.  We only got to one event in the festival, the shared meal.  It is something we do at the Buddhist centre often before a teaching or class.  Everyone chips in and brings food and eats together which for some reason I find really heartening in this busy, competitive, what can I get world.  Instead, we are intentionally feeding strangers, feeding each other on the basic level of sustenance.

This is what this picture reminds me of: habit.  It also reminds me of the daily grind, as in our routines, or work or however you want to take the grind.

What does it remind you of?

Some things in life are profoundly simple and in there simplicity totally beautiful.  Recently I’ve taken much joy in walking into my lounge in the morning and seeing flowers have bloomed over night ready to greet me in the morning.  It is a such a simple thing, but a great way to start the day.

I started meditating about one year ago.  I never thought I would have the stillness or mind or body to be able to, but also didn’t realise that was the whole point: to cultivate that!  At first 10 minutes was painful with my back hurting, my knees hurting and my eyes wandering over to the clock every minute.  A year on I can see and feel differences, yet nothing miraculous happens either.  Gil Fronsdal and other Buddhist monks have said that some people have all sorts of experiences in meditation, while others, nothing.  However those that have nothing often find other parts of their life transforming.  I can definitely see I fit this category and have to remind myself of that when I get up early to meditate for nothing to happen!

I’ve noticed a few things which I attribute to training my mind through meditation:

• My concentration is much better
• I can create flow much easier in writing and other parts of my daily life
• My memory is sharper
• Multi-tasking is a thing of the past, which at first I thought detrimental but now I relish single-tasking’s quality
• I am more present and generally less distracted

What have you noticed?  I am curious to know of your experiences.

Today is my birthday.  As I write this my partner and I have got the day off and are cruising around exploring old England with all its history teaching impermanence at its best: each birthday is a lesson in that.  I used to be scared of getting older and it took a long time to figure out why. The reason was entrenched in being scared of not living, which at that time meant many things because perhaps I did not feel like I really was.  And that is the strange thing about our human life.  We can live, yet not really live in the deepest sense of the experience or in whatever way we perceive it.

It’s a funny thing, getting older.  I am now 32 yet still feel like a kid exploring this thing called adulthood.  I used to think people in their 30′s were old and now it seems as I get older my definition of old drastically changes.  How strange?!  What do you think are the benefits of getting older?  At this moment I think the benefits are the living in between the getting older, the birthdays.  As you accumulate birthdays you accumulate life experiences.  I’m not sure if Buddhism has had this effect, but I am awfully aware of the preciousness of time now and making the most of this life.  Not in a careless or carefree way, but in a “I’m not going to waste my time being unhappy” sort of way.  Seeking joy, purposely living it, and cultivating it is perhaps one of our greatest gifts, if we chose to accept the present.

Bravo to living!

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