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Entries categorized as ‘Happiness’

Potential

February 27, 2010 · Leave a Comment

I realised not long after New Year and after a lot of meditation and reflection, that one of my filters, or blocks is how I perceive wisdom is gained through negative learning.  That is, I have learnt a lot through experiencing what I don’t want, and I have a massive fear that it will only ever be this way.  That what I need to awaken, is only provided through life circumstances of negative experiences.  I have perceived it to happen so many times, that I have come to expect it.  But this also puts out an expectation to attract negative learnings.

This is not true though. I have learn’t a tremendous amount through Buddhism and it has been positive.  KC made a great point that negative experiences are easier to remember.  They make a bigger stamp in our memory because of their negativity.   Norman Fischer elegantly summarized this in his Zencast Podcast Big Problems, by saying “It’s not necessary to suffer.  It may have been necessary to bring you to this point of peace, but it is not necessary to go on that way.”

I gave the feelings space, and reflected on my year of, deciding it to be a year of positive challenge.  Learning through positive challenges, and the my intention to shift my perspective on my habitual, conditioned perception.  A big part of that is receiving.  Always regarding life to present you with negative learning experiences is a filter of deprivation:  always been deprived.  Therefore seeing that, and actually allowing the door of receiving to open has resulted in a lot shifting.

Going deeper, I realised the root emotion was fear – of not achieving my potential.  I have a massive fear that I am not good enough (probably one of the most common western fears… oh how normal!)  How do I let go of that fear, when to stay attached to it keeps me striving forward, and motivates me to prove the fear wrong.  You see that is the conundrum:  our fears can often have a positive effect, and drive us.  Accepting fear feels like accepting I’m not good enough.  But I know fear is just an emotion, and I am not my fear.

Who I am if I am not striving for this picture I see as my potential?  Maybe it is easier to grasp onto that fear – at least I know what it looks like, and I know what I look like with it.

Part of my solution came to me in meditation, and I said to myself “I am not my blackberry,” laughing out loud.


I am not my clothes

I am not my shoes

I am not my friends

I am not the food I eat

I am not my job

I am not my thoughts or emotions

And, I am certainly not my filters or habits


If I am scared of not living to my potential, then the answer is simple.  Accept I am not where I want to be, and that’s ok.  Do not put potential outside of myself, keep it within, and live to my potential NOW.


Categories: Buddhism · Emotions · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Paradox

February 16, 2010 · Leave a Comment

“The paradox of meditation is that by being fully present with A, B arises.”

And it so seems in life. But we always want to be at B, non-accepting of A, but instead drowning in the anguish that is the gap between A and B.

Categories: Buddhism · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Insight

February 12, 2010 · Leave a Comment

“True insight means seeing things as they really are, not as we want them to be.  Coming to this acceptance is the work of mourning.  So, insight and mourning go hand in hand.  We can’t give up what we don’t understand.  We have to come to know something for what it is before we can let it go.”

- Larry Rosenberg

Categories: Buddhism · EQ · Emotions · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Coffee

January 29, 2010 · Leave a Comment

cafe supreme

Categories: 35mm takumar · Auckland · Coffee · Film · Happiness · New Zealand · Pentax Spotmatic · Photography · SLR

Stimulation

January 23, 2010 · 3 Comments

I never understood why people would want to live in the middle of nowhere.  I always thought I’d get bored living in some remote area even if it was on the flank of a beautiful golden sandy beach. Of course when you are young you have confidence that your opinions will never change. Ha, the arrogance of youth!

“Boredom can come from judging things, a subtle fear, holding yourself at a distance, or aversion: holding ourselves at a distance from our experience of being fully present.”

- Gil Fronsdal

I studied meditation and Buddhism for 3-years before I sat.  Being a theorist I knew I did not have enough understanding, and I couldn’t sit still for 2-seconds with my thoughts let alone 10 or 20-minutes. All the more reason to start really, nonetheless I trusted I would when I was ready and didn’t want to force myself into it.  Sitting means removing external stimulation, which can be quite scary at first.

“One of the discoveries of meditation is seeing how we continually run away from the present moment, how we avoid being here just as we are.”

- Pema Chodron

Always being stimulated by something external to ourselves is a distraction from being present.  As my mind has quietened I don’t have to have background noise anymore.  This background noise used to be in the form of the television, even if I wasn’t watching it, music, even if I wasn’t really listening to it, or the stimulation of technology such as computers or mobile phones.

Social media such as facebook or twitter are external diversions from presence.   I’m still quite attached to these though now refuse to let myself waste more than 10-minutes a day on them.  KC has an amazing detachment to email and her mobile.  She can go without checking her email for a week or more – that would make me anxious!

We were chilling out on a Sunday afternoon, still in our PJ’s at 2pm and were talking about our phones, and texting.  “I have a message from x-person, but I haven’t checked it.” –  it had been a few days. How many of us are so detached from our phones that we don’t need to check a text message for days! Instead of it controlling her actions, time available and behaviour she uses it when she needs to, not for distraction.  At first I thought she was mad, but now I see the benefits as she has more time to focus on the things she really wants to, and is fully present when doing so.

This is somewhat of a bug bear for me.  I vividly dislike meeting with someone, even if it is for a casual coffee and being interrupted by their mobile phones – especially if they answer it. Or if they reply to a text message while talking to me. I find that extremely rude!

Having mobile internet has decreased my attachment to my computer.   But the attachment to my phone hasn’t increased which has surprised me. Perhaps that is a result of my admiration for KC’s phone habit?   I can see emails I need to attend to.  Seeing them somehow removes the attachment to the not knowing what I haven’t seen, and therefore want to check them which drives me onto my computer.

So maybe one day I will find myself in the middle of nowhere completely present and enjoy the lack of external stimulation.  Even right now thinking about it, it seems quite appealing.

Categories: Buddhism · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Penny on the pavement

January 17, 2010 · Leave a Comment

see a penny and pick it up

Every time I see a penny on the pavement I now see an opportunity, and reach down and pick it up.  To me it symbolizes a chance to do something, an opportunity presented.  Last time it came in handy to buy pasta.  As simple as that is, it’s an opportunity.  More than that though I see it as a symbol for our lives – how often do we see opportunities and not take them – not pick them up.

Today I was walking with Indian, a Yoga bolster, a bag of groceries, and my night bag as I had stayed at KC’s.  Fully laden I stopped in my tracks as this shinny penny glowed up at me, on the overcast day.  I looked at my bags, and hands, veins popping out from gravities strain.  I paused and then stepped over the penny.  As I continued it got me thinking, had I just walked over an opportunity because of being fully laden? How many times do we have that in our life?  See opportunities, and with our bags of busyness, packed with work, house jobs, this and that – we choose to walk over the opportunity that could profoundly change our lives.

Categories: Canon G10 · Happiness · Manchester · Photography · Success · UK

Beginners mind

January 14, 2010 · 1 Comment

A big concept in Buddhism that fascinates me, is beginners mind, or seeing things as though new/fresh, or with child-like fascination.  This goes back to our ability to form habits.  To layer things to automatize is a brilliant function for efficiency, but awful if we want to change it.  Tara Bennett-Goleman explains in her book Emotional Alchemy that each time we do something habitually it is imprinted on our emotional brain, our amygdala.  And each time we follow that habitual path we strengthen its use, so anything remotely similar quickly, and efficiently takes that path.  But the problem comes when the result of that path does not serve us, yet we go down that path anyway.  Mindfulness helps to slow down this process, to be consciously aware.

“Seeing things freshly as though for the first time lies at the heart of mindfulness.”

- Tara Bennett-Goleman

Seeing something fresh, without our filters, or habits removes judgement, or opinion.  It’s a tough thing to do.  Just try looking at a light switch for what it is: just a light switch.  It’s not easy to remove all the thoughts around the light switch.  “It needs cleaning, I need to change that bulb, it doesn’t work so well, is the light enough in here or should I turn it on?  The shape of the switch is different to my old flat.” Try it, see if you can look at the switch and just see it, without layering it.

“Mindfulness is not bound by expectations, habits or the weight of our past. In Zen, beginners mind keeps a fresh awareness.”

- Tara Bennett-Goleman

Children have that beautiful ability to see things as they are and that is why they can be fascinated with paper, and forget the present inside the paper.  As we grow we attach layers, conditioning that changes our perception but mindfulness can help peel back the layers.  It’s an interesting concept to play with, and worthwhile pursuing.

“Mindfulness improves our ability to control our negative emotions, and let’s us see the bare facts, and not fall for our own cover stories.”

“How things seem depend on the lens or filter through which we look at them.  Some filters are temporary; others last a life time, creating an enduring sense of our reality.”

- Tara Bennett-Goleman

Tara goes onto to say we can change our habits at any four levels:

  1. Our thoughts
  2. Our emotions
  3. Our behaviour
  4. Our relationships

And that by intentionally acting in a way that opposes our negative habits of mind helps to change our habits.  In this way, first with conscious awareness, we are re-carving a new, positive pathway.

“When changing a habit, people often stop too soon, failing to push themselves past the stage of awkward unfamiliarity.  It feels unnatural at first, so we revert to the familiar habit, which feels more comfortable, even after we realize it no longer serves us.  This is so often what keeps us bound to our emotional habits.”

- Tara Bennett-Goleman

Categories: Buddhism · EQ · Emotions · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Wisdom

January 10, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Tara Bennett-Goleman talks a lot about wisdom in relation to being mindful.  How conscious attention allows our inner wisdom to shine through.  I like that concept, simply because when I have listened to my inner wisdom, it’s always right! And when I have chosen to ignore it, let it linger in the background, it proves me right again – making me listen!

I guess it all relates to allowing to let go of habits, filters, conditioning to let it through.  Though this can be scary, because we don’t know what we will see.  The great unknown.

“Our darker moments and most upsetting feelings are an opportunity for uncovering our natural wisdom, if we choose to use them that way.”

“The space of clarity that emerges when we quiet our mind makes us more receptive to the whispers of an innate wisdom.”

- Tara Bennett-Goleman

Categories: Buddhism · Happiness · Mindfulness · Quote

Maintenance time

January 10, 2010 · Leave a Comment

buddha

I moved to the UK 6-months ago with an intention to travel, and experience more opportunities in the land of 60-million people.  One of my goals was to travel to one place per month, and so far that has been achieved, even if it is somewhere in the UK.  I’m conscious that a lot of people do “OE’s” and spend a lot of time in Europe, while living in the UK, and see very little of the UK.  The accessibility to Europe is definitely one of the draw cards to living here.

I had 10-days off over Christmas but didn’t go anywhere.  It was maintenance time.  Time to reflect, look back on the last year, and plan forward.  Each day was a nice balance of this, yoga, meditation, and plenty of sleep.  It was ideal hibernation weather with the snow falling outside.  Being a goal driven person I can get caught up in my things to do list and forget that it is only when you have reflection time, that you really look at these things to do with mindfulness, and perspective.  It’s easy to do, and not really think, why am I doing this?

Johnathan Mead had an interesting set of questions on his website for reflection and goal setting so I sat down and did these before a unique New Year at the Manchester Buddhist Centre.  We burnt things we wanted to let go off in 2010, which was very cleansing.  This also helped put things in perspective for a year of. This year has been a massive year of change, and growth.

Some of my intentions for this year:

Health and fitness

  • Be able to run 240-minutes a week, and run a half marathon (left over from last year)
  • Do the Level 2 Yoga course at Bodywise
  • Feel fit, healthy, and continue to focus on organic, healthy meat-free eating (I’ve finally let go of bacon, and butter chicken)
  • Continue with a minimum of one yoga class per week, and 2-3 days of home practice
  • Take dance lessons

Community, spiritual and friendships

  • Work on friendships.  It is easy to take these for granted, and then 2-3 years later realize you don’t have any!  And be open, and put myself out there for more
  • Get more involved with the Sangha at the Buddhist centre
  • Level 2 Buddhism and meditation course
  • Continue to meditate everyday
  • Go on 2-3 Buddhist retreats
  • Continue to read, and listen to Dharma podcasts

Gadgets

  • Macbook Pro
  • Photo scanner (for film)

Financial

  • Debt free and continue to live within my means
  • Increase my income

Creative

  • Writing course
  • Use my beautiful classic film cameras more, and learn how to use them properly by doing a photography course
  • Finish 2 of the 3 books I have quarter/half done, and find a publisher for them

Travel

  • Every month somewhere I have not been before

Other

  • Continue catching my unskillful habits, and do things abnormally
  • See things as they really are
  • Be generous
  • Be open to receiving
  • Start another degree be it in business (MBA), or a Masters in mindfulness/CBT
  • Continue to live authentically being true to who I am and what I want out of this life

It’s going to be a busy year.

Categories: Books · Buddhism · Happiness · Manchester · Mindfulness · Photography · Success · Travel · UK

Why we do what we do

January 7, 2010 · Leave a Comment

TED.com is a wonderful resource of snappy talks by highly successful people.  I watched a talk by Anthony Robbins, called “Why we do what we do” recently.  It was a great summary of what the elements are to follow your passion.

“Most people think biography is destiny – living in the past.  And it sure is, if we live there.”

He talked about the art of fulfillment which he thinks consists of contribution and appreciation, simply because we can only feel so much by ourselves.  And that our ultimate resource is emotion, because with that we can find the creativity to determine the way.   Briefly he talked about the six basic needs that shape our individual worlds and are the drivers of emotion:

Four of the personality:

1. Certainty

2. Uncertainty/variety

4. Significance

5. Connection and love

Two of the spirit, of fulfillment:

1. Growth

2. Contribution beyond ourselves

We all have a lead system that tilts us to determine our path.  Be it certainty, significance, growth.  Whatever the case, if our intention is to follow a particular path we need to look at our emotion, our drivers, our needs.

Categories: Emotions · Happiness · Quote