An old friend of mine used to consistently say “It’s just the way I am, I can’t change.” That comment irritated me no end. I wasn’t really sure why at the time, but many years later the reasons have peculated to the surface of my consciousness.
I realise I was so irritated by the consistent comment because I was extremely unhappy at the time, and I needed to believe I would not be in that situation forever. I needed to believe things could change; I could change and not be in that state.
To say we can’t change has many implications. It is to also say we cannot learn. To learn, we must be able to take information in, and change current knowledge, actions or behaviour. If you can learn, you can change.
To say we can’t change is to deny responsibility for our own actions and behaviour. The heart of Buddhism lies in change, which is perhaps why I like its philosophies so much. When you are averse to something (non-change), it often propels you to the other end of the spectrum. Another tenant of Buddhism is taking responsibility for our actions and behaviour. While we are conditioned to repeat many of our actions and behaviours these to can change, if we have the intention to change them. Buddhism recognises deep latent tendencies: deep conditioning that can surface and flick us back into a conditioned response, but if we keep chipping away these to can change.
“Our progression along the path may be swift, or it may be slow, but one thing we can be sure of – so long as we make an effort, progress itself is assured.”
- Kulananda
