I never understood why people would want to live in the middle of nowhere. I always thought I’d get bored living in some remote area even if it was on the flank of a beautiful golden sandy beach. Of course when you are young you have confidence that your opinions will never change. Ha, the arrogance of youth!
“Boredom can come from judging things, a subtle fear, holding yourself at a distance, or aversion: holding ourselves at a distance from our experience of being fully present.”
- Gil Fronsdal
I studied meditation and Buddhism for 3-years before I sat. Being a theorist I knew I did not have enough understanding, and I couldn’t sit still for 2-seconds with my thoughts let alone 10 or 20-minutes. All the more reason to start really, nonetheless I trusted I would when I was ready and didn’t want to force myself into it. Sitting means removing external stimulation, which can be quite scary at first.
“One of the discoveries of meditation is seeing how we continually run away from the present moment, how we avoid being here just as we are.”
Always being stimulated by something external to ourselves is a distraction from being present. As my mind has quietened I don’t have to have background noise anymore. This background noise used to be in the form of the television, even if I wasn’t watching it, music, even if I wasn’t really listening to it, or the stimulation of technology such as computers or mobile phones.
Social media such as facebook or twitter are external diversions from presence. I’m still quite attached to these though now refuse to let myself waste more than 10-minutes a day on them. KC has an amazing detachment to email and her mobile. She can go without checking her email for a week or more – that would make me anxious!
We were chilling out on a Sunday afternoon, still in our PJ’s at 2pm and were talking about our phones, and texting. “I have a message from x-person, but I haven’t checked it.” – it had been a few days. How many of us are so detached from our phones that we don’t need to check a text message for days! Instead of it controlling her actions, time available and behaviour she uses it when she needs to, not for distraction. At first I thought she was mad, but now I see the benefits as she has more time to focus on the things she really wants to, and is fully present when doing so.
This is somewhat of a bug bear for me. I vividly dislike meeting with someone, even if it is for a casual coffee and being interrupted by their mobile phones – especially if they answer it. Or if they reply to a text message while talking to me. I find that extremely rude!
Having mobile internet has decreased my attachment to my computer. But the attachment to my phone hasn’t increased which has surprised me. Perhaps that is a result of my admiration for KC’s phone habit? I can see emails I need to attend to. Seeing them somehow removes the attachment to the not knowing what I haven’t seen, and therefore want to check them which drives me onto my computer.
So maybe one day I will find myself in the middle of nowhere completely present and enjoy the lack of external stimulation. Even right now thinking about it, it seems quite appealing.
We do live in a distracting world and so many people take pride in their ability to scan information and multi-task. I agree with you about cell phone and text interruptions. Nothing makes you feel less important than having someone pick up a phone and check or send a message in the middle of a conversation.
I can totally relate to your post. Up until late last year – I was plugged in to the mainframe that was facebook, stuff.co.nz, sportzhub.com… anything I could find. Radio was on, tv on, internet on – all the time. If I wasn’t plugged in, I was dialling out – putting in a serious amount of ill-intentioned junk miles. All this because I was going through some difficult times which I didn’t really want to confront, life situations I didn’t want to sit with.
And then it began to turn. Yes, it started with a very positive (external) shift in my employment arrangements. Before I started my new role, I created literally 100 email auto rules in my inbox. Rules that would sort my news from my daily readings, from sale emails, from club and membership emails, what’s happening in town emails… After about a week of setting up these rules as they came in – the space that created was incredible. Reality was, I was only really getting 2-3 quality content emails a week directed to me. The hundred other ones were a lesser form of junk mail. The freedom this created and the realisation it caused was astounding. I do not have to be plugged in 24/7. If someone wants me, they will call, text or email me personally. The rest of it is really wasting my life in 60 minute chunks a day.
Now, in my new stimulating and challenging role – I end the day and it feels like it only was 2 minutes long (it’s great when a job opportunity is so in line with your values and desires!). And I leave seeking peace – quiet and stillness after being present with my work almost all day long.
AMT: “So maybe one day I will find myself in the middle of nowhere completely present and enjoy the lack of external stimulation”. Nothing like a sifty mountain bike ride with no real set direction, intention, intensities or loads to do. The space to connect with the wild and be present. And, if the old monkey mind does start to wander, well corners, roots and gravity have a natural way of reminding you to be present on the single track. Time to cruise
Great comments!
I think we also need to be careful not to put presence in external surroundings. I’ve learnt that the hard way recently. Facebook can be looked at as distraction from internal presence but also as a form of external presence. MTBing, or whatever we use external to us is putting that presence outside of ourselves. Even a challenging, amazing job. Just like material possessions, these things are external and can go, can be taken away.
Recently I went through a process of fully accepting a situation I did not want to, meaning I had to be present with it. It taught me a good lesson – not to put presence, just like happiness, outside of myself.
I like your rules David! I have a <20 in my inbox policy…