“Your suffering is not you
it’s ok to not be ok
nothing is perfect, and that’s ok”
- Clive Holmes
Compassion is a big topic. Where to start? Perhaps with what grabbed me most? “If you have a talent to receive compassion, you have no limits on giving.” Clive said and the whole room perked up as if confused with what he had said. In the western world we are taught to give, continuously. To do things for ourselves is selfish. So when Clive said to receive means you have no limits on giving the class breathed a sign of relief, and many emotions came out. It is a difficult thing, to receive. Even just a thank you – to really take it can be difficult sometimes. It took me a long time to learn how to receive a compliment. In New Zealand to be above or set out from others is negative. You don’t want to acknowledge success in yourself or others.
Pity is without compassion. It has ego, but compassion has respect. There is a fine line between compassion and being walked on, and we talked a lot about this. Clive said that to be compassionate yet have that street wise knowing of when to have boundaries is key, and that out of compassion for others you can’t be a soft touch. Otherwise you are feeding their habits and attachments, and not respecting yourself. Knowing when to be open and when to have tough love is a skill, and to have compassion, respect for yourself is essential to truly give it to anyone else. “If it’s good for the other person but not for you, then it’s not compassion” Clive dropped another anti-cultural teaching at us, creating confused looks, and breath holding.
