Scotland

Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Buddhist Centre

We were sitting in the communal tea room have the morning dose before the next talk and KC asked one of the monks “how long have you been here?”

“I came here to visit a friend for the weekend.  That was 26-years ago”  he replied.  That appeared a common thread at Samye Ling, with answers varying from 4 to 10, to 26-years.  It is definitely a special place, in the middle of nowhere.  Clive Holmes was our teacher.  He has been involved with Buddhism for 30-years, including a year long retreat in India.  He had a wonderful presence of wisdom, and character.  Clive talked about the five fingers of emotional intelligence (slightly different to those by Goleman), that all join together by the palm to form this beautiful skill: to know what pushes your buttons and have the self-mastery to over ride it.

1. Self awareness: knowing thyself and keeping integrity and being true to yourself is a lot less stress!  Knowing yourself helps to be fluid and adaptable.  Being able to help yourself skillfully.

2. Self mastery: knowing when not to be rigid.

3. Compassion: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.  How to be free of the reactivity of pain.

4. Motivating: self, and others.

5. Social intelligence: listening below the surface of what is really happening and developing intuition.

The main teaching was how to change a reactive response to an appropriate response.  To see things as they actually are, instead of through our filters, our conditioning, or our beliefs.  When we see things through these masks we react.  When we see things logically we are guided to respond appropriately.  It is as simple as that, yet so not simple!  Our bodies are built for conflict, and as Clive said, “it is not our fault we were born with these bodies that have emotions.”